Something I Have Been Afraid Of

I have been afraid of many things some of which are harmless and sometimes funny like being afraid of bugs.  My mother use to tell me to just step on them and I used to say, but I can't.  She then used to say, "You are bigger than the bug so just step on it."  I still would cry and say, "I can't."  This was even after I reached the age of consent.  That kind of fear unless it is extreme is harmless, but the fear I have that has affected my life and has sometimes limited my ability to achieve goals and attain desires, is my fear of rejection. 

This fear keeps me from trying or even asking for thing that I want and sometimes need.  In my mind, I know that it does not make any sense, but I get a shaky feeling in my chest when I approach someone to ask them for something.  This could be even a small request.  I am so sure that they will say no that most of the time, I say no to myself without giving them a chance to.  I know I am putting limitations on myself, but the fear outweighs the desire.  Sometimes I tell myself that it does not matter what they say and that I am not going to let it bother me if they tell me no, but it does.  In examining myself, I found that I take it as a flaw in my character.  I ask myself what is it about me that led them to say no.  This leads to another conflict.  Most people see me as being able to be a good salesperson because I do have the ability to talk to people and most of the time, I can make them feel at ease and comfortable.  I am seen as outgoing and an extrovert.  In fact the many personality tests I have taken say that I am and one of the occupations that I should excel in is a salesperson.  In fact, I did an excellent job at J.C. Penney's selling jewelry.  The problem comes when I have to go out and recruit clients on an individual basis.  I can talk to a large group and seem to be able to motivate them, but the thought of asking individual people to do something for or buy something from me is paralyzing.   I even hate the thought of picking up my phone and calling them to ask.  When I do get the courage to do it, the majority of the time, I get good responses and it always surprises me.  Someone once asked me how I could get up in front of so many people to speak.  She said "and you were even nervous or anything in front of all of those people.  How did you do it?"  I told her I did not know, someone else seems to take over and I really enjoy it.  I get energized from the crowd and it helps me to go on, but ask me to ask just one person for something, then I am lost.